


melt your headaches, call it home

by growlery writes (growlery)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, unsympathetic portrayals of certain characters and by certain characters i mean abby griffin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery%20writes
Summary: If it were anyone else, Raven would tell them to get fucked, but Abby would just steamroller over her until Raven found herself agreeing just to get her to drop it. Raven does not in any way want to meet this Lovely Young Man, and so Raven panics, and so Raven says, “I'm seeing someone, actually.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have been working on this FOREVER, and i have finally decided to post it as a wip to kick my ass into getting it done. i have at least the next chapter written, so i'm hopeful that this will get some momentum going and i can finish the fake dating epic that these two DESERVE
> 
> title is from northern downpour by panic! at the disco, because i am exactly that extra

“I'm just,” Abby says, with a look on her face that says she's not going to just drop this, “worried about you.”

“You're my physio, not my mom,” Raven says, for what must be the hundredth time. For the hundredth time, Abby ignores her.

“It's been months since you and Finn broke up,” she continues, “and you're still single. It's not healthy to get hung up on people.”

“I'm not hung up on Finn,” Raven says, even though Abby’s just going to ignore that, too. But she's not. Sure, Finn was the first and only love of her life, and it fucking broke her heart that he not only wasn't in love with her any more, he was cheating on her with Clarke fucking Griffin, daughter of her overinvested physiotherapist.

But she did her grieving for their decade-old relationship, and she's building something better without him. She doesn't need to be seeing someone else to be complete.

“I know this lovely young man,” Abby says, all earnest eyes and patronising smile. “I've told him all about you, and he says he'd love to meet you.”

If it were anyone else, Raven would tell them to get fucked, but Abby would just steamroller over her until Raven found herself agreeing just to get her to drop it. Raven would’ve switched doctors by now if she could even remotely afford it; as it is, Abby’s known her family for years, which means the cost of Raven’s treatment is only mildly horrific. 

Raven does not in any way want to meet Abby’s Lovely Young Man, and so Raven panics, and so Raven says, “I'm seeing someone, actually.”

That stops Abby in her tracks, and Raven's heartbeat slows for the first time since she stepped into Abby’s office.

“Oh,” Abby says. “You didn't say anything.”

“It's new,” Raven says, the lie flowing easily from her newfound calm. “I didn't want to jinx it.”

“Hmm,” Abby says, unconvinced. “Do I know this b- person? It's not Bellamy, is it?”

“It's Bellamy,” Raven says, seizing on the opportunity, and Abby's forehead evens out.

“I see,” she says. “I have noticed you two getting closer. He drops you off at your appointments, doesn't he?”

“Every one,” Raven says. It's just because Bellamy’s a really fucking good friend, but Raven is more than willing to let Abby think that it's because of their nonexistent romantic relationship if it gets her off her back.

“That's very sweet,” Abby says, and Raven relaxes and thinks, well, that that'll be the end of it.

Abby's office is down the street from the college gym, so Raven goes straight there after her appointments for a quick session then gets the bus back to campus. She's got a text from Bellamy when she checks her phone, asking how the appointment went, and she grimaces before typing out, _loooooooong story. I'll bring beers later y/n_. Then she puts her headphones in and puts the whole business out of her mind.

When she checks her phone again, she's got another text from Bellamy, as well as just about everyone she knows. Raven frowns. She wasn't working out long enough for her phone to blow up like this. She checks Bellamy’s text first.

 _y_ , it says, sent just after her message, and then, approximately seven minutes later, _so we're dating, huh_?

“Oh _shit_ ,” Raven says, and doesn't bother checking her other messages before she hits dial.

“Hey, lovergirl,” Bellamy says, dry as a bone, when he answers.

“That's gross,” Raven says, and Bellamy says, “Not gross enough for you not to lie about it to Abby Griffin, apparently,” and Raven groans.

“She was hassling me about being single again,” she starts, and Bellamy says, “She's your fucking physio, not your mom,” and Raven closes her eyes, a weird sense of relief flowing through her, says, “I know, right.”

“Let me guess,” Bellamy says, “she knows a nice young man she wants to set you up with? No, wait, a nice young woman, she's making a point of accepting you being bi.”

“You were right the first time,” Raven says. “I'm sorry, I just-” She breathes out slowly. “She's so fucking persistent. I panicked. I should've asked you first, or at least warned you. Shit. I'm really fucking sorry.”

“Hey,” Bellamy says, and his voice is soft, now, “it's fine. I was a bit surprised when all our friends started interrogating me about dating you behind their backs, but Clarke started it, so I figured Abby had crossed some kind of line. I just told them it was none of their business.”

Raven exhales slowly. “Thanks,” she says. “I- thank you. You didn't have to cover for me.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy says, “it's a real hardship, pretending to be dating one of my best friends who happens to be super cool and super hot, so everyone thinks I'm super cool and super hot by association.”

Raven rolls her eyes, but she's smiling, and the knots in her stomach are loosening. “You're so obnoxious. I'm fake breaking up with you.”

“I'm fake heartbroken,” Bellamy says dryly, and Raven closes her eyes and just smiles for a quiet moment. She hears Bellamy shuffling around, then swearing under his breath, then he says, “Lasagna okay?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Want me to bring anything else?”

“Nah,” Bellamy says, but then there's some more shuffling, and he says, “Actually, could you pick up some milk while you're there? And tinned tomatoes, I'm all out.”

“Sure,” Raven says, and Bellamy says, “Thanks, sweetpea,” and Raven says, “No, absolutely not,” but she's laughing.

*

Bellamy lives in an apartment off campus with a bunch of other juniors, none of whom Raven knows or wants to know all that well except Lincoln, who answers the door when she arrives and offers to take her bags of groceries.

“I'm good,” Raven says, and Lincoln just nods, doesn't even glance at her leg. He follows her to the kitchen and helps her unpack the bags, and they're chatting about Lincoln’s project for the semester when Bellamy comes in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, and Raven says, “ _Gross_ ,” and Lincoln shifts his eyes between the two of them.

“I thought you two weren't dating,” he says, with a weird sort of emphasis on weren't.

“I told my physio I was dating Bellamy to get her off my back,” Raven explains, “except then all our friends found out and now it's a thing.”

“Is this the woman who's creepily invested in your love life?” Lincoln says, and Raven shoots a questioning look at Bellamy before nodding.

“My ex cheated on me with her daughter,” she says, and Lincoln says, sympathetic, “Ouch.”

“Yeah,” Raven says heavily. “I think she thinks that means she gets to be involved, somehow, but mostly it just makes things really fucking awkward.” She presses her knuckles into her eyes and tries not to groan. “She's gonna go right back to hassling me when she finds out I lied to her. God, she's probably gonna be worse.”

“Have you told anyone yet?” Bellamy asks.

Raven shakes her head. She thought about replying to the mass of texts on her way over, but her stomach turned and her chest went tight. “It'll get back to Abby literally as soon as I do. Fucking Clarke.”

“So what if you don't?” Bellamy says slowly, and Raven narrows her eyes.

“Bellamy,” she says, “are you suggesting we for real fake date?”

“I don't think you can do something fake for real,” Lincoln says mildly. “I think then you're just doing it for real.”

“Might as well keep the ruse going for a bit,” Bellamy says. “We could have an amicable fake breakup in, like, a month? That should be enough to keep Abby happy.”

Raven thinks about this. It might actually get Abby off her back for good, which, as far as reasons to pretend to date someone goes, isn't the worst. And Bellamy’s far from the worst person to pretend to date, especially if it keeps her away from Abby’s Lovely Young Man. 

“I don't see why you couldn't just tell this woman you felt so uncomfortable with her prying into your personal life you felt you had to lie to her,” Lincoln says, and Raven blanches.

“Yeah, no, definitely going with fake dating.”

Lincoln doesn't join them for dinner because he’s meeting up with his friend Indra, so Bellamy and Raven take their beers and food into Bellamy’s room. They sit on his bed like they always do, because his room barely fits it let alone a desk or a table. Maybe it should be weird, but it feels the same as it always does, like they didn't just agree to pretend to date each other. Definitely worse people, Raven thinks.

“Do you think I could send the group chat a picture of us instead of texting everyone back individually?” she muses, and Bellamy immediately poses, jutting out his lower lip and leaning so he can throw an arm around her, and she laughs. She was kidding, but she takes the picture, turning her head to kiss Bellamy’s cheek.

> **Raven**  
>  thanks for spilling the beans, clarke :)  
>  it was my decision to keep it quiet  
>  you can all stop hassling bellamy now

“Thanks for defending my honour, darli-”

“Don't,” Raven says, without looking up. He laughs softly, and she feels his breath tickle her cheek. “How long have we been secretly dating for?”

Bellamy’s quiet for a second. “Two weeks. Who did the asking?”

“Me. What was our first date?”

“Dinner and a movie, because you're unimaginative,” Bellamy says, and Raven says, “I'm actually offended.”

She can't see Bellamy’s smile, but she hears it in his voice when he speaks. “Fine. We went to the aquarium. You showed me your favourite fish, which is all of them.”

“Then I bought you a jellyfish plushie which you pretended you thought was goofy but were actually really touched by,” she says, grinning.

“I sleep with it every night now,” he says solemnly, and she leans into the arm he still has around her, warm. “You pretend you think it's goofy, but you're actually really touched by it.”

Bellamy’s mouth is so close to Raven's. She would barely have to move to kiss him. It isn't the first time she's had this thought, because Bellamy is beautiful and kind and _infuriating_ , but it is the first time it goes through her like a rush, how much she wants to.

God, she's an asshole. Bellamy covered for her because he's a good fucking friend, and she has to go and make it weird by wanting things.

“The height of romance,” she says, forcing herself to sound neutral, and uses moving to grab one of the beers as an excuse to slip neatly out from under Bellamy’s arm, twist so she’s leaning back against the wall instead.

> **Clarke**  
>  im so sorry!! I didn’t realise it was a secret!!  
>  I was just really surprised when mom told me and checked with the others to see if anyone else knew
> 
> **Miller**  
>  it came as a shock to all of us, i assure you
> 
> **Harper**  
>  👀
> 
> **Monroe**  
>  Yeah, no one saw this coming
> 
> **Monty**  
>  you guys are adorable #braven5ever
> 
> **Emori**  
>  Ummmmm no  
>  Rellamy
> 
> **Bellamy**  
>  I’m vetoing ship names right now
> 
> **Raven**  
>  hey i think braven is cute

“Traitor,” Bellamy says, “I’m fake breaking up with you.”

Raven laughs, feels herself relax. This is Bellamy, one of her best friends, and unexpected, intrusive desire or no, it’s all gonna work out fine.


	2. Chapter 2

“So,” Miller starts, and Raven looks up at him and frowns. She wasn't expecting conversation when he slid into the seat opposite her at the library with a nod; that's not really the dynamic they have.

“So,” she repeats, when nothing more is forthcoming.

Miller's mouth works for a second, and then he says, “Bellamy.”

“Bellamy,” Raven repeats. She quirks her eyebrows. “You here to fight me for his hand, Miller?”

Miller rolls his eyes; he had a crush on Bellamy for a while, but then, so has most of their mutual friends over the time they've known each other. Bellamy is easy to love.

“It's just,” Miller says, “kind of sudden.”

Raven stiffens. “I broke up with Finn three months ago,” she says, and Miller rolls his eyes. 

“I mean you and Bellamy specifically. When did that happen?”

Thank Christ they talked about this. “Two weeks ago,” Raven says. “We went to-”

“The aquarium, yeah, Bellamy told me.”

“So what do you wanna know?” Raven asks, frustrated, and then it clicks. “You're really trying to give me the fucking shovel talk, Miller?”

“That's not it, Jesus, Raven,” Miller says. “I'm friends with both of you. We're all friends with both of you. If it goes wrong-”

“Why are you convinced it's gonna go wrong?”

“I'm _not_ ,” Miller says hotly. “This just kinda came out of nowhere, and I just wanted to check in with you guys like a good fucking friend.”

“You're doing a shitty job of it,” Raven snaps, but she takes a second, breathes deep, breathes deeper. She could just tell Miller it's not real; he can keep a secret, and it would stop him being, whatever, worried about the sanctity of their friendship group. She could just tell him.

“It didn't come out of nowhere for me, okay?” Raven says. “We've been building up to this for a while. Bellamy is- fuck, you don't need me to tell you. I really fucking care about him, and I'm trying to have something good, here, so could you stop looking at me like you think I'm gonna break his heart?”

She exhales, long and a little ragged. She's not sure where any of that came from, but none of it rings false, which is a good thing, right? Just enough of the truth to make the lie convincing.

“Okay,” Miller says. “Yeah, shit. I'm sorry, Raven. I was just worried.”

“I get it,” Raven says. “Trust me, I'm under no illusions as to where everyone's loyalties lie if me and Bellamy have a big messy breakup.”

Miller winces. He opens his mouth to say something, but then his face changes and he says, “Hey, Bellamy.”

Raven turns just as familiar hands squeeze her shoulders; her face collides with Bellamy’s, leaning down to kiss her cheek, and they both laugh. It breaks the weird tension at the table and Raven smiles at him as he takes the seat beside her.

“Hey, babe,” Bellamy says, and Raven, before she can think about it, snaps back, “What have I said about pet names.”

“I'll find one you'll tolerate,” Bellamy says easily, and Miller looks between the two of them with a smirk.

“Should I leave you two to it,” he says, and Raven relaxes.

“Please,” she says. “Then I might finally get some fucking work done.”

“Actually,” Bellamy says, “do you wanna get lunch?” Raven arches an eyebrow, because Bellamy is flat broke and she’s not much better. He rolls his eyes. “I brought leftovers. It’s nice outside, I thought we could eat out on the green.”

“You had me at leftovers,” she says, and starts putting away her stuff.

“Hey,” Bellamy says, when they're out of Miller's earshot, settled on the green eating the food he brought, “what were you guys talking about?”

He's worried. Shit, he probably overheard what Raven said about the big messy breakup and is concerned about her feelings like the considerate asshole he is.

“Miller just wanted to make sure I wasn't gonna break your heart,” she tells him. “If only he knew, huh.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy says, looking away, and Raven feels abruptly awful; Miller and Bellamy are really close.

“I almost told him the truth,” she says. “I should’ve. It must fucking suck to have to lie to him. I'm sorry.”

Bellamy looks at her like she's being an idiot. “Don't you fucking dare beat yourself up about this,” he warns. “This was my idea.”

“I'll beat myself up about it if I want to beat myself up about it,” she shoots back, and Bellamy’s shaking his head, but he can't hide his smile. 

Raven's heart unclenches. It makes it easy to say what she has to say next. “If at any point you don’t wanna do this any more,” she says, “you have to tell me. I know what your hero complex is like, and I refuse to enable it. This is over as soon as you want it to be.”

Bellamy’s smile has morphed into something more like a grimace, but he nods. “Same goes for you,” he says, and Raven scoffs. 

“Sure,” she says. “I’m not the one we need to worry about here. This whole thing is for me. I’m the only one benefiting from this fake relationship.”

Bellamy’s face does something weird, but then he rubs a hand over it and the strange look is gone, like he scrubbed it away. “Raven,” he says, weirdly careful in a way that makes Raven sit up, wait for the rest of what he has to say. Except whatever it is, he seems to lose it, his eyes flickering down and his tongue passing over his upper lip. “I’ll tell you,” he says, finally, and Raven nods, relieved. 

“Good,” she says. 

“You’re allowed to change your mind, you know,” Bellamy says, still too careful. “If you get uncomfortable, or you just don’t want to do it any more, or whatever.”

Raven kinda wants to roll her eyes, but she’s not a complete asshole. This matters to Bellamy. He’s wrong to worry, but she knows that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to. 

“I know,” Raven says, and if it comes out too gentle, she’s only responding to Bellamy in kind. She has to add, “Obviously,” because this feels too close to a Moment, and Raven is not emotionally prepared to deal with that today or ever. “I appreciate your commitment to making things explicit.” 

“We should really talk about boundaries,” Bellamy starts, and Raven can’t hold back the eye roll this time. “Raven. Come on. Boundaries are important.”

“I fucking know, dude,” Raven says, more frustrated than anything else. “Trust me. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Then why-”

“Because I trust you,” Raven snaps, and Bellamy goes still. “I know you’re not gonna do anything that’d make me uncomfortable. You’ve always been good at that, at, like-” She gestures vaguely, unsure how to explain. “Not doing weird shit. Knowing where the lines are.”

She has to look away, take a few deep breaths; she feels raw enough without Bellamy looking at her, his face doing that weird thing it was doing before. She didn’t mean to be that honest, which is apparently a theme for her today. Score one for emotional maturity, she guesses. 

“Anyway,” she says, deliberately casual, like her heart isn’t rabbiting in her chest, “I’m pretty easy. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that’d make me uncomfortable.”

She looks up, then, and Bellamy’s face has smoothed out, a hint of a smile playing at his mouth. She nudges him, and the smile comes out in full force. 

He takes the cue easily, of course, and Raven’s so grateful for him she could burst. “Handholding,” he says, eyebrows raised, and she scoffs. 

“Tame,” she says, “so incredibly tame.”

“Maybe,” Bellamy says, “but you still bitched about Finn wanting to do it all the time.”

“I just think it’s impractical,” Raven protests. “Am I wrong?”

“Impractical. The romance is already gone,” Bellamy says dryly. 

Raven holds out one of her hands to him, eyebrows raised in a clear challenge, and after a second, he takes it. Bellamy’s hand is warm, his skin a little rough, and his callouses drag pleasantly against her own when she weaves their fingers together. She takes a pointed bite of her food without letting go, and he laughs. He doesn’t let go either, though, and there is no way Raven is backing down first, so she supposes they’re stuck like this. Whatever, she’s done worse things to prove a point. 

They move easily to talking about the shit they always talk about, and none of the weirdness lingers. It’s like any other time they’ve hung out, eaten lunch together, except this time they’re holding hands, a constant point of contact between them that Raven has to keep working around. 

It’s not as annoying as she thought it would be. She mostly manages fine with one hand, and Bellamy comes with a tolerant smile when she drags their linked fingers over so she can make use of the other, and he keeps rubbing a thumb over the back of her hand like he doesn’t know he’s doing it. She can see the appeal, whatever. 

Raven’s done with classes for the day, hence why she was at the library, but Bellamy has a seminar on the other side of campus. When he starts packing up, her hand finally slipping out of his grasp, Raven does the same. Bellamy looks surprised when he straightens up and she’s standing, too. 

“I’ve gotta get to class,” he says, like they don’t both have each others’ schedules memorised. 

“Yeah,” Raven says, like, _duh_. “I’m walking you there.”

“You don’t have to,” Bellamy says. “It’s a pretty long walk there and back.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “I know,” she says again. “I’m not going to be walking back. The study rooms over there are just as good as the library.” Bellamy still looks unconvinced, and the smile falls off Raven’s face. “If you don’t want-”

“No,” Bellamy says quickly. “I mean, yeah, if you’re sure.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Raven says, because she doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t want to let go of Bellamy yet, that she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer. She’s bared enough of her soul today. “Shall we?”

She links her arm with his, because it’s probably weird to just grab his hand again. It’s not as good, without the skin contact, but it means they have to stand pretty close together, and that’s nice, too. Bellamy’s a warm, solid weight at her side, and he doesn’t move away as they walk down to the Classics department.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse for why this took a million years, except that writing is hard and lately it's been especially painful. brains. 
> 
> this update is technically two chapters because that made sense to me chapter-wise. pls enjoy!!

Gina isn't part of the weird sprawling circle of people orbiting Clarke and Bellamy, and she’s also Bellamy’s ex, so Raven feels safe telling her about the whole fake dating thing the next time they get lunch together. 

“Shit,” Gina says, when she's done, then considers. “See if you can wrangle any fake kisses out of it. He’s a really good kisser.”

“Uh,” Raven says, her cheeks heating. “I didn’t need to know that, but thanks? I guess?”

Gina smirks. “He's great in bed, too, but that might be pushing it,” she says, and Raven groans, rests her head down on the table.

“I want exactly zero details,” Raven says, which is a lie. It's just natural curiosity; that's all it is. Bellamy’s a beautiful man. Anyone would be curious. She groans again, lifts her head, narrows her eyes. “How good.”

Gina leans forward, eyes sparkling. “One time,” she says, “he ate me out for an hour and a half. It was the best ninety minutes of my entire life. He just kept going after I came, the first time. It was sort of too much, but the good kind of too much, you know? And then it was just _good_.” She pauses, waiting for Raven to tell her to stop. Raven doesn't. “He got himself off, hmm, three orgasms in? Just rubbing himself off on the bed. He was so into it.”

Raven swallows. They've talked about sex before, but never like this, and it's really fucking hot, hearing Gina talk about it, her voice low, seeing the pinkness in her cheeks. Thinking about how it must have happened, extrapolating from Gina's already vivid details, imagining it clearly in her head.

“Nice,” she makes herself say, casual as she can, but Gina's smirking again, isn't buying any of it.

“I’m sure you’ll find out for yourself, anyway,” she says. “Fake dating _always_ ends with real dating.”

Raven’s cheeks heat. “In the movies, sure,” she scoffs. “This is real life. Neither of us want that. As soon as Abby backs off about my love life, it’ll be over.”

“That’s what they all say,” Gina says dramatically.

“I mean it,” Raven says. “That’s not gonna happen, okay? I’m not gonna let it. I can't- I can't fuck this up. He's too important.”

The smile immediately drops off Gina’s face and she nods, serious.

“Good,” Raven says, and that’s the end of that.

Except she’s still thinking about it later when Bellamy picks her up to take her to physio. She watches his hands on the steering wheel, the gear stick, stares at his long, thick fingers. 

God. She can’t do this. She _cannot do this_. It’s one thing to have vague, passing thoughts about how hot Bellamy is. It’s another thing entirely to fucking fantasise about him. That is a boundary Raven would like to uncross, but since that’s not possible, she’s going to keep herself firmly on the right side of it. 

It’s. It’s fine. It’s good, actually, that Gina prepared her for this, that she’s not gonna get sideswiped by it. She won’t be tricked into having actual, not pretend feelings for Bellamy because she’ll see them coming a mile away, just like she can see him bent over her hips, dipping his tongue lower, lower-

“You okay?” Bellamy asks, sounding concerned, and Raven realises she’s been staring for kind of a while. She tears her eyes away. 

“Yeah,” she lies. “Spaced out, sorry.”

*

Abby lasts all of five minutes before asking Raven how things are going with Bellamy, and Raven tries not to roll her eyes when she answers. 

“That’s so good to hear,” Abby says, and she means it, which is the worst part of all this. Abby really, actually cares, even though she has no right to it. “You’ll be taking him to the wedding, then?”

Oh, _fuck_. Raven completely forgot that was a thing that was happening. She’d even more completely forgot it was a thing that she’d agreed to subject herself to when Abby announced her and Marcus’s engagement months and months ago. 

“Sure,” Raven lies, because the wedding is in two months, and there’s no way she’s going to make Bellamy fake date her for that long. 

She warns Bellamy about it anyway, just in case Abby brings it up with him. They’re on his bed, and she’s painting his toenails, so she mostly says it to his feet. Feet are, at least in Raven’s opinion, distinctly unsexy body parts, so it’s been keeping the weirdness from earlier at bay, which is good because Raven really could not handle _that_ on top of _this_. 

“What was that about a wedding?” Bellamy asks, frown audible. 

Raven rocks back a little on her heels and exhales slowly. “So you know Abby’s getting married, right,” she says, trying to keep it light, because if they’re going to have this conversation, she’s going to get through it with her dignity intact. 

“Yeah,” Bellamy says. 

There’s a pause, like he’s waiting for her to continue, which makes two of them, honestly. Raven’ll find the words. In a minute. She’ll figure out what to say. She thumbs over Bellamy’s shin and tries not to wince. 

“You want me to come with you, right?” Bellamy says, slowly like he’s prompting her. “I figured you’d wanna break up by then, but it makes sense that you’d want someone to shield you from all the wedding bullshit.”

Raven opens her mouth to say _no_ , to tell Bellamy that’s the opposite of what she wants, but what comes out is, “Yeah, if you’re okay with that.” Her mouth has completely betrayed her, and so has her brain, which is currently desperately hoping that Bellamy says yes, because, apparently, this _is_ what she wants. She clings to Bellamy’s ankle and tries to tell herself that’s not what she’s doing. 

“Of course,” Bellamy says. “I’ll never turn down a chance of free food.”

That startles a laugh out of Raven, and abruptly all the tension melts out of her body. Why the fuck had she been so tense? It’s just Bellamy. Bellamy, her best friend, her fake boyfriend, someone she cares about and knows cares about her in return. This is easy. This should be easy. 

Raven takes a deep breath. “When this is over, you can get all the free food you want from me,” she says, her voice coming out mostly even, somehow, and when Bellamy laughs, she relaxes, just a little. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Octavia Blake**  
hey

**Raven Reyes**  
hey blake junior  
what's up?

**Octavia Blake**  
my brother's an idiot  
are you busy?

**Raven Reyes**  
not that i'm disagreeing, but why are these related  
and no, not busy, again why

**Octavia Blake**  
he's dying of the flu or whatever and he's really bad at being sick

**Raven Reyes**  
pretty sure he's physically incapable of taking a break  
want me to check on him?

**Octavia Blake**  
pls  
just like  
make sure he's actually resting

**Raven Reyes**  
👍

Raven heads straight to Bellamy's apartment. She really doesn't have anything else to do, and even if Bellamy isn't that sick – both Blakes have a flair for the dramatic – it’s not exactly a hardship to hang out with him. When she presses the button for his apartment, it’s almost a minute before she gets a response. 

“Hello?”

Raven's chest does something funny at the sound of Bellamy's voice, cracked open and raw. “Hey,” she says, aiming for her usual indifference and probably missing by a mile. “Let me in, I've got soup.”

“Raven?” Bellamy breathes, and Raven's chest does the thing again, but worse, this time. “Why are you here?”

“Your sister told me you were dying,” she says, “and it doesn't sound like she was exaggerating.”

“I'm fine,” Bellamy says, somehow managing to sound stubborn even though his voice keeps giving out. “You don't need to be here, you'll just get sick, too.”

“Octavia told me to take care of you,” Raven says, which isn't untrue. It'd at least been heavily implied. “If I don't send her a selfie with you in the next hour, she's gonna come after me, and I don't fancy my chances.”

There's a crackly sound over the intercom that might be a laugh; whatever it is, it sounds like it hurts. Then the buzzer goes and Raven's chest finally calms down as she lets herself in.

“You look like shit,” Raven says, when Bellamy answers the door, and Bellamy rolls his eyes, says, “Hello to you too, Raven.”

Raven heads straight for the kitchen, dumping the supplies on a free counter, because if she keeps her hands busy she won't do something stupid like bundle Bellamy into her arms and never let go.

“Is that why you didn't tell me you were sick?” she says, keeping her voice light. “You're so fucking vain.”

“You don't need to take care of me,” Bellamy whispers, his voice definitely too close. Sure enough, when she turns around, he's leaning heavily on the door frame, his face screwed up into an expression she can't parse. “O shouldn't have sent you. I'm fine.”

“Get the fuck back to bed,” Raven says, with a cheerfulness she doesn't feel. “Let your fake girlfriend take care of you. It's got to be one of the perks, right?”

Bellamy doesn't smile, but he does go back to his room, so Raven will take it as a victory.

He doesn't look any happier when she comes in with a tray of soup, toast and orange juice, which she balances precariously on top of the stack of books on his bedside table.

“Thanks,” he mutters, not meeting her eyes. Raven bites her lip.

“I can go,” she says, because she would, if it's what Bellamy wanted, even though absolutely no part of her feels okay with leaving him alone like this.

Bellamy shakes his head. Then, like it takes a lot out of him, “Stay,” he whispers, “please.”

He holds open the blanket very slightly and Raven doesn't even hesitate before crawling in next to him, fitting her body around his. His eyes slide shut when she strokes over his forehead and tangles her fingers in his hair, massaging at his scalp.

“You wanna watch a movie?” she asks, and then grins. “Netflix and chill, because you've got a fever.”

“That’s terrible,” he tells her, but he cracks a smile, small but real. 

Bellamy settles in against her as they watch the movie, like the tension’s steadily draining out of him, and Raven is glad of it. Raven wants him to be at ease. They’ve done this a hundred times before, and if Raven’s thinking about things she shouldn’t, now, distracted by the press of his warm, solid body, open and vulnerable in her arms, well. That’s between her and her conscience. 

It’s feeling pretty fucking abysmal by the time the movie ends and Raven shifts, simultaneously aching and relieved at the loss of Bellamy pressed so close. Bellamy makes a soft, bleary noise, and Raven realises he’d fallen asleep on her and briefly hates herself for waking him. 

“Sorry,” she whispers, and he flails a hand out to her like he’s trying to pull her back in. With some effort, she moves out of his reach. “I’m just gonna take the dishes away.”

In the kitchen, she busies herself washing up, taking far longer than a plate and a glass really demands. She needs to get the fuck over herself. Bellamy’s _sick_ , and she needs to be a good fucking friend and take care of him, not fantasise about other ways he could be pressed against her in his bed, other reasons his breathing could be rough and ragged. 

She inhales, long and deep, and slowly blows out the breath. She’ll go back and say goodbye to Bellamy. He doesn’t need her to stay, take advantage of his vulnerability to satisfy her own selfish desires. She’ll go. 

Her resolve all but dissolves the second she steps through Bellamy’s door. He looks small underneath all the blankets in a way he never does, and soft in a way he rarely lets anyone see. Raven’s heart aches. 

“Hey,” she says softly, in case he’s already asleep. No such luck: his eyes open, his face already going warm with a smile. “I’m gonna head out, let you get some sleep.”

Bellamy’s smile falters a little before straightening out. “Not sure how likely that is but I appreciate the thought.”

Raven laughs; at least this is still easy, still natural. “You were literally asleep before I moved,” she says, “don’t give me that.”

She wants to hug him, stroke his hair. She wants to press him into the mattress and kiss him stupid, sickness and all. 

Bellamy’s smile hurts to look at, a little. “Thanks for coming,” he says. “I don’t know why O sent you, she knows we're not- I had to tell her it's not real. She would never forgive me for lying to her.”

“Sure,” Raven says. “I told Gina. Neutral party, you know.”

“Sure,” Bellamy echoes, and Raven makes herself take a step back, then another, then another. 

“Bye, Bellamy,” she says, and doesn’t wait around to hear his response. 


End file.
